Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins- Is it really worth the hype?

From her first TedX talk titled “How to Stop Screwing Yourself Over” featuring the 5 Second Rule in 2011, which has been one of the most viewed Ted talks in the world, to bestsellers like “The Five Second Rule” and “The High Five Habit”, over the past decade or so, Mel Robbins undoubtedly has been one of the most relevant individuals in the self-help community. 

Her latest book, “The Let Them Theory”, unlike her previous works, aims to shift from a “push yourself” high motivational tone and take up a calmer, more reflective approach towards life, goals and relationships. It aims to rely on behavioural change over simple behavioural triggers, and explores interpersonal dynamics and emotional factors.

Oprah Winfrey has titled this book as “The best self help book of 2025” and “One of the best self help books I’ve ever read”, along with critical approval from The Guardian, Vox, The Cut, and The Daily Telegraph among others. The book has also seen great commercial success, selling more than 8 million copies in its first few months, and has seen “one of the most successful non-fiction book launches of all time.”

In this book review, we’ll see if  “The Let Them Theory” should have a spot on your shelf- we’ll see what it’s about, why it’s so famous, and if this really is the perfect book for your next read- with of course, NO SPOILERS! 

Spoiler-Free Summary

The core ideology behind “The Let Them Theory” can be summarised in two simple phrases: “Let Them” and “Let Me”. 

“Let Them” is an approach towards life that helps us prioritise our energy, time, and focus away from drama, freeing you from the apparent burdens of having to manage or please other people, showing us that trying to be overtly controlling of circumstances to the contrary, cannot be altered. However, one can control how they perceive these events; our perception can completely changes our reaction and the future decisions we make.

The author, Mel Robbins, has used quite a fitting analogy to describe how one may feel before and after using “Let Them” through the dynamics of a see-saw; showing how lifting yourself up instead of blaming your circumstances can change everything. 

There are a total of three images in the book showing the different stages of the theory and how they can be used to attain an emotional state of balance. 

Here’s the first one.

Instead of resisting the natural flow of human nature, “Let Them” urges us to embrace it. The focus is to show that instead of wasting energy on something that cannot be controlled- such as what others may say or think, instead pouring energy towards themselves. 

Thus, the balance of the see-saw shifts; simply as you change your perespective and consequently control how you use your time and energy. However, this does lead to problems such as a false sense of superiority and overconfidence. 

“Let Them” surely is a good way to cleanse yourself from the weight of the negativity that makes you sink. However, just implementing one half of this philosophy can- and most likely will not help your relationships or help you to grow as a person. This is why the second part of the theory is equally important.

This is why the other half of this theory, “Let Me” stands as a balance. “Let Me” teaches us to tap into that power by taking responsibility for what you’re going to do next. It also shows us that life is more fulfilling when you’re not sitting alone in your superiority. 

I feel that this quote in one of the introductory sections really puts into perspective how the book tries to help you. 

“The Let Them Theory is not about superiority at all. It’s about balance. It’s about making room for both you and someone else. It’s about giving other people the space and the grace to live their lives—and then giving yourself the same.”

- The Let Them Theory, Chapter 2

Is this book for you?

To put it concisely, this book is a simple and condensed form of the age-old Greek philosophy of Stoicism. 

It’s a good introduction to stoicism for beginners and readers who want to know more about it and how it applies to our modern lives. It also draws inspiration from other ancient philosophies like Radical Acceptance in Buddhism and Detachment Theory. (More on this in the next section)

Apart from this, the book does target a wider demographic- it’s not just a book that’s intended for entrepreneurs and productivity-seekers. It’s a book that deals with interpersonal relationships with others and with yourself. “The Let Them Theory” has long, detailed sections on stress management, dealing with other people’s opinions, dealing with emotional reactions, overcoming chronic comparison, friendship, love, motivating change and providing support the right way. 

The Theory is in itself simple, but the point of this book is to see how it applies to actual real life scenarios. Readers have found these sections quite insightful in terms of problems they face. Several readers resonate with certain chapters for this reason. 

Long story short; this book really clicks with readers because it discusses problems that are present in life and that do make many feel like it’s nearly impossible to find a solution. 

Personal thoughts, as a reader 

Stoicism and its importance in the book 

In the book, the words “Let Them” have been used 471 times, which makes sense, but the words “Stoicism/Stoic”, “Buddhism”, “Detachment Theory” and “Radical Acceptance” have been used for a combined total of 12 times. 

“The Let Them Theory” does refer to these ideologies, especially stoicism. However, this has only been done in two subsequent paragraphs in the entire book. 

“Let them” and “Let me” present themselves as a mantra that helps us tackle negativity and the effect of the problems we face in all aspects of our life. If you use “Let them” to avoid difficult but necessary action (feedback, consequences, protection of others), that’s un-Stoic. Critics note the mantra can feel thin without deeper skills or context.

Nevertheless, “The Let Them Theory” is quite a good way to get introduced to stoicism, and it’s very simple to incorporate but the honest truth is that it misses out key elements. If you really want to apply it to your daily life, then it’s really important to know when it’s going to be good for you. 

Assertiveness and Action: Something “Let Them” doesn’t provide & Why “Let Me” Should’ve been a separate book 

As I flipped through the pages, I felt that the book attempted to deal with most problems only using “Let Them”, which is quite a good way to release negativity, but there are some situations where you can’t just “Let Them”. 

In some places, “The Let Them Theory” does attempt to find solutions in some places, but I feel that the approach isn’t as effective and assertive as it needs to be in such problems. The book really tries to connect “Let Them” to a solution, but I personally felt that it just didn’t add up right. 

This brings me to the second part of the theory, “Let Me”. “Let Me”, on the other hand, symbolises the will to take efforts and dedicate them to a virtuous cause. It isn’t as straightforward as “Let Them”, but I think this is what it signifies in the context of the book and in relation to stoicism. 

I think that “Let Me” was an idea that wasn’t fully developed and explored throughout the book, and it’s really essential to the theory at a retrospect, which is why I think "Let Me" should have gotten an entirely seperate book. 

Conclusion

"The Let Them Theory" is quite an interesting read. I still feel that it could have been more expansive and could’ve shown the action-oriented side of stoicism while maintaining its simplicity, but I still quite liked how it simplified stoic philosophy and showed us how we can use it in real life. 

To conclude, I’ll give this book a 

7/10